


Warmth

by Centum



Category: Star Wars: The Old Republic
Genre: M/M, SWTOR, theron shan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:49:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Centum/pseuds/Centum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darth Marnh finds his heart with Theron Shan, and learns to live with it. M/M, rated M because chapter2 has some sexy times. "License to love" is a prequel to this</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

**Marnh speaks:**

 I look in the mirror, studying my face carefully. Nothing wrong there. My skin is a lighter shade of brown and tattoos all over my face make a dramatic contrast to it. My horns are neat. Hair, I have it. My eyes are yellow and I can make people shiver from fear just by looking at them. Took some time to learn that trick. I carry myself with aristocratic dignity. I had to practice hard for it too, and it was well worth the effort. People are weak. If they see something that they feel is stronger than them, they will submit without a single hit. Works wonders, and is much easier than to just kill them all.

I have killed more than I can remember. I did what was expected from me, by myself and by others. In some odd moments I suddenly wanted to let someone go, often because they were slaves and I could see myself in them. What I could have been if I wouldn't have born as a Force sensitive. Sometimes I have given few credits to someone so they can hide or buy themselves a new life. All this I have done just because in that moment it pleased me, never thinking much about it afterwards. Just like when I do kill someone and frankly, most of the times I just kill.

I follow the Dark Side and I never thought it was something to be shamed of. I am a Sith, that's what we do. I have embraced the darkness enough to be called Darth Nox.

My greatest secret is that in truth, I'm a very weak Sith. I may be strong in the Force, but as a Sith...I'm too soft and too everything. And yet, I made my way from slavery to the Dark Council. It took lots of numbing.

But after working with Theron Shan...Something changed in me. I was smitten with him from the first time we met. I enjoyed his company. He is smart, handsome and pleasant. I definitely wanted his body, and have suffered some sleepless nights because of it. I admired the warmth of his golden-brown eyes. Somehow that warmth found its way into my heart.

_(“Theron Shan appears to be quite good at his job.”_

“ _Lana, I don't know if he is good or not, but he is not bad to look at!”_

“ _If you say so...”)_

To my surprise, I got a message from Theron yesterday. He asked if I would meet him at Alderaan. He told me he was near Alderaan, just like I am, and he has been thinking about me. My poor heart beat like a drum and my ears were humming. I felt so dizzy I had to sit down on my bed and take deep breaths to calm down. And then I answered without hesitation that yes, I absolutely would meet him and I have been thinking about him too.

I'm going to look so good he will forget there even exists anyone else in this world than me. It is a shame that men can only change clothes instead of covering themselves with makeup and whatever. Not that I would want to wear makeup, but in this situation...I'm sure it would buff up my self-confidence.

I feel insecure. Not to mention vulnerable.

Now...What to wear...Clothes, I guess. I throw practically everything out from my cabins wardrobe. Really, all I have is rags! I want to look _good_ , no, I _have_ to look good. Do I have to go to ransack everyone's wardrobes to find something decent to wear?

 I don't know if I'm just exited and nervous or simply afraid of possible hurt. I have never allowed anyone to hurt me, not like that. I never let people have that kind of power over me. I don't fraternize with anyone in my crew either, though I know something like that is not so rare in ships commanded by a Sith. My crew has to be able to trust me and know I'm there for them, and I can say they do. They are used to me being a loner. When we go out to get a few drinks and women are throwing themselves at me, they laugh and make fun of me. Andronikos promises to comfort the poor woman hurt by my coldness, and often does as he says. Well he can keep all the women in this world, I have no interest in them. I have known what I am since I was seven.

 

_("Boss, what is it with you and that agent? I know it is not my business, but I have never seen you looking someone like that before. I think he has his interests in you too."_

" _Nothing. Revel, don't you have anything else to do than spy on me? Go...Shoot something.")_

 

All I really had with Theron was two kisses, but those kisses were all it took to lose my sanity. Now I know why even an idea of an arranged marriage with some daughter of a Sith Lord made me sick. Deep inside me there still is an idealistic young Zabrak-slave who had foolish dreams of someone who would love him, really love him.

When Theron answered to my kiss with his tongue and his hands travelled all over my back, I felt how the warmth that was growing inside me, made those dreams wake up again. I dreamed of being with him, for real.

I understand now what it means when they say that something is melting your heart. He melted my heart, and I thought I will never see him again.

 

_(“Gotta say though, I've enjoyed while it lasted...”_

“ _It isn't over yet...” And then I kiss him._

“ _...And they said if I kiss an Imp I'd spontaneously explode!”)_

 

It hurt so much when he told me he won't see me anymore. But the warmth in me...it refused to die. Right this moment I can feel it if I turn my focus on it. It is scary. I have learned to live my life in a way that makes it tolerable. Now this warmth is challenging it, making me want to believe there can be more than this numb existence.

...Back to the clothes...Finally, I find a tunic I bought once from Nar Shaddaa. It is ridiculously posh, truth to be told. It is black, quite long, it has embroidery and red stones. Ashara demanded me to buy it. “It is like made for you, makes you look like a prince!” She sighed, and so I gave up and bought it. I'm a bit vain, I have to admit it. I'm a fool too, but only when it comes to Theron Shan.

 I turn around in front of the mirror and study myself from tip to toe when Andronikos steps in to my cabin without knocking. He never knocks. One day I will burn his arse with lightning for it.

"Whoah Boss, what is the occasion?"

I bite my lip, rub my horns with my fingers and then I decide to be honest:

"I'm meeting Theron Shan tonight, so I'm going in the Centrum, alone, mind you."

"Well, we are all leaving to the Cantina. I was gonna ask you to join, but have fun Boss and don't do anything I wouldn't."

"And what was that supposed to mean? You damn well do everything with everyone!" I yell to Andronikos' back when he turns away, and I can swear I see his shoulders shaking from silent laughter. I sigh. Now they know it, every single one of them.

 I'm going to see Theron Shan. Just thinking his name makes me smile and wakes up the butterflies in my stomach.

This warmth I feel inside me...is it love?

 

* * *

 

 

 Alderaan has always been one of my favourite worlds. It is a beautiful planet, though nobles ruling it are a bunch of idiots. But Empire loves it's idiots. Idiots are easy to rule and manipulate. I have no idea what they do for them in the Republic. Maybe arrange more negotiations and meetings? We have a simple, yet efficient solution: If things don't work out, heads will roll.

 I breath the cool air while walking to the restaurant where Theron told me to meet him. The wind is fresh and spirited like always in Alderaan. Cool air feels good. I can hear a Thranta singing in the distance.

 What if he is not there? What if he is? I don't know which option makes me more anxious. These feelings I have now are so strange to me. I think I'm hopeful and scared in a very worrying manner. Feeling all these feelings is like training a muscle I have never used.

 I open the door to the restaurant. It is small and half-filled with eating people. I step in and I have to stop to swallow down the lump from my throat. My eyes wander over the tables to the bar...

 ...and I can see him. He came. There he is sitting, waiting for me. I would recognise that back anywhere, even when it is now covered with white fabric instead of red leather. For a moment I just stand there, looking at his back.

 

_(“Try not to die, okay? It would be nice to see you again”)_

 

He lifts his head and turns to look straight at me. He finds my eyes and smiles. Across the room, I can see how his eyes smile too, and I realise he is genuinely happy to see me. I forget how to breath.

 I force my feet to move across the room and before I know I stand next to him. My eyes devour his face, every little detail of it. His eyes are just as golden and warm as I remembered, his features just as human and handsome. Me and him, even we are from different species we are not too different from each other.

 “Hello Theron...” I say.

“Marnh...I'm so glad you came!” And then he stands up and hugs me. Just like that.

 "I thought I will never see you again. You said I will never see you again,” I say with a voice that is muffled because my face is buried in his hair. I can hear my voice shaking a bit. Goodbye dignity. I'm going to miss you.

"When I said what I said, I thought I was doing the right thing...only possible thing. I've been thinking about you, a lot. All the time, actually. Huh, I don't know if you needed to know that, but now you know it. Now I'm rambling...” And then he ruffles my hair. It is adorable. He is adorable.

Theron lets go of me and sits down again. I sit next to him. I don't want to let go of him, but I have to. But he is next to me, and that is more than I had the courage to hope for only two days ago. There he is sitting, and he is...himself. Theron. I let my leg touch his as I bend forward and ask the bartender to give us something to drink.

"Sorry for my manners, how have you been? Heard anything from Satele?" More importantly, where have you been and are you doing well, I ask in my mind.

Theron just waves his hand as an answer to my polite questions.

"Work, and then more work. Travelling in order to work even more. Haven't had much contact with Satele after Yavin, I guess she is alright."

We get our drinks and Theron takes a sip. Then he clears his throat.

"I think I owe you an explanation. I did say we will never meet because the Imperium and the Republic just won't mix, but here I am and there you are. And thank you for coming, I really appreciate it," he says and smiles at me.

I appreciate everything in him, I want to take him right now, right in this place, no explanations needed. My body tingles.

"Well, now Theron, I really am curious. I didn't know I had such a power over you that you must keep thinking of me all the time!" I say with a smile I hope is seducing and then I want to slap myself for sounding like a sly gigolo.

"You have! What can I say, you are a charming man," he says, smiling again. Then he continues:

“I...I really hoped we could talk, about what happened between us. Look, I'm not good in these things, I mean...relationships. I don't even know what it was between us. But it was there. Right?”

I just nod. The butterflies in my stomach get crazy. I feel hopeful. I hope for a miracle. I hope there would be a chance...I'm too scared to admit, even to myself what kind of a miracle I hope.

He takes my hand in his. He sits there, fingers studying my hand, thinking. Then he looks up to me. His eyes are intense. There is an intent look in them. I can hardly breath. His other hand caresses my arm. I close my eyes to enjoy the feeling of being touched by him.

And when he finally speaks, he really startles me.

"Did I ever tell you I have been married?"

"Eh, no. Not that I remember. I don't believe we ever discussed things like that. I mean, personal things."

"No, I don't think we did...we were too busy with the war and the Revanites, and saving the galaxy. But yes, I have been married. Unsurprisingly, with a woman. I never thought I felt a need to mention my ex-wife, but then...you know, I'm so bad in relationships. But from the start...I'll be very honest: I've been very attracted to you all the time, no matter that we are from different species but same gender."

"You forgot to add that I'm a Sith Lord too," I remind him with a little nod.

"Oh, that too," Theron laughs now. "And from the Imperium. Where is this world going to? But now you know it if it wasn't clear to you before: I like you. I find you totally irresistible. You...I just can't stop thinking about you." Theron looks down and I can see he is a little bit embarrassed for his confession.

My feet feel so weak I'm happy there is a chair under me.

"So yes, I was married and it wasn't a happy marriage. No children, by the way. She was a daughter of a friend of my mothers. I wasn't a good husband. I was always away at SIS business, and I wasn't even remotely faithful either." Theron looks somewhere in the distance. I study his profile while he arranges the words in his mind. His profile is fine, well-formed and so, so handsome.

"So, I was a bad husband and I hurt her. In the end, I think we were just very incompatible. She was not right for me and I definitely was not right for her. It lasted only three years," Theron sighs. Then he asks:

"What about you, does the Sith even marry? Jedi are not allowed to have relationships at all, but I don't think it is the same for you, right?"

"No, the Sith can marry, and most will. Powerful families are formed that way. I never wanted...and I must admit, I have always hated the very idea of an arranged marriage. I...am very much into men. There has been few, but nothing serious. There were always other things in my life. I was too busy to make my place in the world...I was born as a slave and I had to work very hard to be the Dark Lord I am today."

_("I just want my freedom. If it means I have to become a Sith, then be it. I will crush you all. I will lie, manipulate and murder my way through it, and I will be free, no matter what. I'm no one's slave anymore."_

" _Watch out, you can be a slave of your own mind too. Take him to Korriban, if he survives, he has deserved it.")_

Theron's eyes are intense when he listens to me. I can see how he ponders this information. Quietly we sip our drinks, my leg touching his, his hand resting on my thigh. I can feel its warmth through the thin cloth of my tunic. Then he finally takes my hand again and squeezes it.

"You flirting with me and showing interest in me and all that...Did you mean it? I don't want to sound like a suspicious dick here, even if I do, sorry...” He looks down.

My mouth feels dry and when I begin to speak, I can hear how my voice trembles.

"From the first moment I saw you I knew you are special. I'm not used to having all these feelings I have for you, but I'm happy I met you. You make me feel warm and...I like you too. I have always been honest with you. I did not play with you. I did not manipulate you. I never would. You are worth more." I'm surprised by my own words.

He wraps his hands around me, his head rests on my shoulder and he holds me like that for a long time.

I hesitate for a moment, and then I kiss him. Warmth in my chest wants to burn me alive.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Theron speaks:**

We choose a table in a dark corner of that small restaurant and order food. We eat, drink and talk, about people we both know, about things that has happened in the galaxy after Revan was defeated. Talking with Marnh has always been great fun. He is intelligent and bright. He is witty. He is kinder than he probably admits. When I look at Marnh my heart fills with joy. He is so beautiful, so fierce. He radiates dark power, yet I can see only tiny veins of corruption on the sides of his face. His face is tattooed and you could think it hides his corruptions, but I know better. He is not nearly as dark as one might think he is. I wonder if he knows that himself.

If it is insane to fall in love with this particular Sith, then I'm happy to be insane.

I have hard time to keep my hands off him, and truth to be told, I don't even try. I never really allowed it to myself when we were working together, but now I do what I've wanted since I saw him for the first time. He definitely doesn't object. His hands have a dance of their own around my body.

And when the owner of the restaurant, politely tells us it is late and he has to close, without a discussion we leave together. We walk into the cool Alderaanian night, Marnh having his hand around my waist. In the end, we wander towards the spaceport.

"My ship...we could go there or we could take a room from a hotel near the spaceport..." Marnh says and his voice is so quiet I can barely hear it.

"Your ship...actually I'm quite curious about it, it is a Fury, right? I would like to see it if you don't mind." I know exactly how Imperial Fury looks like, I have even been in one before. But I want to see his ship. He has a cabin there, his home. To someone who almost lives on his ship...It must be important to him. I want to know everything about him.

"Of course I don't mind. My ship beats every hotel," Marnh chuckles, squeezing my hand and we walk to the hangar where Fury waits for him and his crew.

Inside the ship I walk around and I appreciate every detail my seasoned eyes can find. This is a fine ship.

"My Master got this Fury for me, and I'm its first owner. I will never forget how it felt for a slave to get his own starship and walk into it with his own Shadow killer. And imagine, now I'm the Master," Marnh smiles shortly.

"I knew Imperium keeps its Sith in high regard and this ship really embodies it," I admit.

"Have you heard the saying that Imperium exists for the Sith? I have. We live curious times. Before my times it was rare for any aliens to be accepted to the Sith Academy. I was dragged there literally by my hair. Many of the Sith doesn't accept it, but I guess there just isn't enough Sith purebloods and Humans. They can't afford to be picky anymore."

"They? You don't count yourself as one of them?" I'm suddenly very intrigued by his slip.

"Well, I am a Sith, but I am a Zabrak too. I never forget it. _"_

Marnh looks at me with a very serious face, and then takes my hand and walks me to a door I guess leads to his cabin. He opens the door and I step inside. Like all starship cabins it is small, but everything you need is there. I can see some clothes on the floor, looks like he was in a hurry when he left. There are small personal things on the table and a holo of a thin, tattooed Zabrak wearing apprentice robes. It must be him. He looks so young and defiant.

"My home. I have an apartment in Dromund Kaas but I hardly spend any time there, so I think this to be my home."

I take off my boots, sit on the edge of his bed and look at him. My heart, I can hear it's drumming in my ears. I swallow. I let my hand reach for him. And the next thing I know is him in my arms, kissing me forcefully.

"Please...I want you so much...I have dreamed of you..." I can hear his whispers in my ears. My feelings for him are so strong I feel suffocated. And then I just let it happen. I remove his fine (sexy) tunic, rest of his clothes land on the floor too, I remove the band from his head and my fingers find his tiny (sexy) horns, and his voice is husky with desire when I let my hand wander on his naked (beautiful) body. He is perfect. His muscles are small and tight, his waist tiny and his shoulders well-formed. His legs are long and his manhood is no different from mine. I take him in my mouth and he shivers. I find the gentle spot, let my tongue rub it while I suck him and he shouts my name when he comes into my mouth. He is delicious. He is beautiful. And he wants me.

I remove my clothes and he watches me, fire in his yellow eyes. And then I take him. I bury myself in him, my erection is painful and I have to shout out loud when I push harder and harder. He takes it with a moan, hands reaching for me, stroking me, my name on his lips. I make love to him and it is better than I ever could imagine in my fantasies. I want to spend the rest of my life doing exactly this.

He says I make him warm. Right this moment we burn together. His eyes are like embers and there is fire in his every movement.

I shout his name when I come, my orgasm is so strong I almost lose my consciousness. I can taste my tears in his lips when I kiss him. I bury my face in his damp hair and I love the smell of it. I love everything in him.

I love him.

All my life it has been nothing else than work, strategies, schemes, starships, Republic, SIS. I'm tired. I married because mother wanted me to. I got tired of it pretty soon. I want something for myself. I want this. I want to be with Marnh. I want to share my life with him, and I am going to do it, one way or the other.

I tried to deny it. I tried to avoid it. It was not in my plans to fall in love, and definitely not to fall in love with a Sith, but here we are. It happened. Who says something beautiful can't come out of it?

I know I hurt him. I gave mixed signals and I'm sure he didn't know what to think of me. And then I said there can be nothing between us after we killed Revan. From this day on, I will make sure he never has to doubt my sincerity. I will give myself to him unconditionally, if he allows it. I have a feeling...He will.

We are lying there, holding each other and I ask him to tell his story, tell me about himself. How he turned from a slave to be a member of the Dark Council. His fingers are playing with my hair when he arranges his thoughts and then he tells me about a young Zabrak who had a secret:

"My parents were slaves, so I was born to be a slave. It was in a mining colony. It was a disgusting place, like hell. Heat, dust, shock-collars. But I could do something to make my life easier, I could turn myself invisible. Of course I used it to my advantage. If I saw them searching people to do something extra, I just became invisible. And then I got reckless and a guard saw me doing it. From hair I was dragged to a ruling Sith Lord, and I had to show him what I can do. I was so scared. I knew being a Force sensitive could get you killed. But it turned out that my talents were something they wanted to use. I was trained to be an Assassin. Stealth is my talent. You have seen me using it."

I listen carefully when Marnh keeps telling me about Sith-code, about his training before Sith Academy, then the ruthless times in Korriban, about tests and all that killing they have to do in order to survive themselves. And in the end, you are expected to kill your master or die while trying it.

Finally, he had killed enough to be a member of the Dark Council. I say what I have been thinking about him all the time:

"But you are not that dark. There is very little corruption in your face. I know about this stuff, I have seen Sith Lords that look like shit. You are beautiful. Your skin is perfect. No red eyes. You can't hide your kindness from me!"

Marnh thinks for a moment, his hands now playing with my chest, fingers finding every little hair growing there.

"I'm dark enough to be called Darth Nox. There are some Sith Lords that are quite neutral. Just like Lana. She is a pragmatist. Why kill something if you can use it to your advantage? Some are just very mild-natured and like to avoid unnecessary cruelty. You just never hear of them because they live quietly. Me...I have killed just because I can and no one can touch me. But I have helped people too, I don't even know why. I just sometimes see someone who I think deserves a second chance in their life. We don't choose how we are born. I would have died as a slave long ago if I wasn't lucky enough to be a Force sensitive. I had to be ruthless just to earn my life among Sith."

"But do you enjoy it, do you take enjoyment of all the things you can do just because you are a Dark Lord?" I ask. I think I know the answer, but I want to hear it from him. Marnh is silent for a moment, and when he finally speaks he sounds hesitant.

"Now when I think about it...No. I have never tortured anyone, for example. I find no pleasure in it. I rather kill them right away. Why make them suffer more than is necessary? In the end they will die by my hand anyway. Why make it more difficult for them? No one wants to die. And I don't have a luxury of feeling this or that. I always just do what I think I have to. Ends justify the means and so on. But nowadays I find myself to be...Never mind. It is not important. I'm a Sith. Whatever that means to you."

"I don't care what you are called. For me, you are Marnh. You are the man I..." Then I stop myself from blurting it out: "You are the man I love." It is too early. I think...He has to be the one to say it first. Not because I'd have some difficulties to say it to him, but because of him. I think he has some issues with it. When he is ready, he will tell me if he wants to.

I kiss him, and then some more. I'm ready for him again. So is he for me. I'm so hard again, it is almost painful. I can't wait to push myself inside him, but now I find out he has his own manner of an approach when it comes to making love. Suddenly his finger is pressing inside me and I startle.

"Oh...This is new for you?" He asks when he notices my confusion.

"Well...Yes. I have always been the one who does the deed, so to say. Is this something we have to discuss about?" I have to ask. I'm worried now.

"Looks like it!" He chuckles, sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking amused.

"Then we discuss about it. Hey, I'm not against it. I mean...you taking me. It is just..something I'm unused to," I try to explain myself.

"You see, Theron. I know exactly what I want from this side of a relationship. Now we see if you can deliver. I want equality. I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not your woman. I'm a man. When you are with me, you are with a man. I like to do it both ways. That's how it goes. I'm not an obstinate person, but this is very important to me. If you absolutely hate it, if you don't enjoy it at all, then I have to rethink my principles because I like you very much. But you don't even know because you have never tried it!"

I can see where he is coming from. Actually...I appreciate how he tells me what he wants, without beating around the bush. This is my opportunity to make clear what I want, why I wanted to meet him in the first place.

"I have something I want to say too. I'm not giving away my butt's virginity willy nilly! Where is this going with us? You and me? Marnh, you must understand, I'm very serious here. I want to be with you. I want to see you again. You can call it dating or whatever you want, but...I'm sure we can do it. We just have to be careful. That's why I wanted to see you, to tell you this..." Suddenly I feel very vulnerable and awkward. I have to look down to avoid the gaze of his yellow eyes.

He lifts my chin with his fingers to be able to see my eyes again. Then he kisses me, so softly and gently it takes my breath away. When he finally stops, he says:

"You just keep astonishing me, don't you? Do you know you just gave me a miracle, the one I have been hoping for? So yes, I want exactly the same thing."

I feel relieved. Months of remorse and stress disappear and my heart begins to beat faster. I feel excited. I'm going to experience something new. Actually...I'm very much turned on. I'm 35, and trying new things in the bedroom was something I did last time...very long ago.

He kisses me again, and soon we are all tangled in each other. I feel hot and nervous and breathless and everything. He is all over me, kissing, licking, biting my skin gently with his teeth. My God that's hot! I lose the sense of time and space, and I let him do what he wants with me. To be taken like this...To be the one to give...It is heavenly. I don't know if I would like it with anyone else, but with him, I love it.

He is good in what he does. He listens my every groan and moan and slowly makes me used to be taken. First with his fingers, and when I get used to them and begin to push myself against them in need, he begins to push himself inside me. That feeling is new to me, and I get tense.

"You alright? Hurting? Tell me..." I hear his worried voice behind me.

"No...Yes...Go on, but slowly..." I wince.

Very carefully, he keeps pushing in, and then out, and in, and out...and suddenly all the discomfort gives way to amazing pleasure. His hand reaches for my member and begins to stroke it. The feeling of it combined with the feeling of him moving inside me makes me lose it completely, and I come all over his bed with a cry. Few hard pushes later he comes inside me, and I can feel that too. It is...unbelievable feeling.

I collapse to the bed and Marnh snuggles next to me. Between kisses and cuddling me he asks:

"How did it feel? You like it?"

"It was amazing! Is this how it feels for you too?" I'm really in awe. I had no idea...

"It is! I'm happy I could give you something you enjoyed that much."

"This is going to be so much fun!" I tell him and he chuckles.

Then the excitement of the day finally catches up with me and I get so sleepy, I can't keep my eyes open anymore.

I feel how a gentle hand pulls a blanket over me and Marnh settles himself against my stomach. We are sticky and sweaty and I don't give a damn. I feel so good, his warm back against me, his hair tickling my nose, and my sleep is deep and relaxed.

When I wake up I hear Marnh is taking a shower. How long did I sleep? I look at the time only to realise it is midday. I decide to take a shower with him and I wince when I stand up. My butt remembers last night a little bit too well.

I peek into the tiny bathroom. Looks like I'm just in time. I walk behind him and he startles when I reach to take the shampoo from him.

"Good morning, love..." I say to him, and begin to wash his hair. Those horns...they are so damn sexy and cute...My fingers find the tiniest horns hiding under his hair, and they are so adorable. I kiss his neck and then...Long story short, I made sure his butt hurts too.

"Why do you like my horns?" He has to ask when we finally settle down to eat the very late breakfast.

"I don't know...They are exiting, maybe? A bit alien? They make you look...Wild. Well, you do look a bit wild anyway, in a good way. You are very beautiful," I answer to him, and he blushes.

I have to go. I don't want to but I have to. He wants to escort me to the spaceport. We walk through the ship, and I see some members of his crew. They are trying to be like they don't notice how their boss has obviously had some company over night. I nod to Xalek and Revel, I know them from the time we worked together. Both look bewildered and then nod back to me.

"Your crew is somewhat confused now," I have to whisper to Marnh.

"They deserve it," he whispers back to me.

Too soon we are on the spaceport taxi. I hate the very idea of parting from him, and he looks serious too.

"Hey...We will meet soon again, won't we?" I try to comfort both of us.

"We will. If you still want to..." Suddenly he seems to be insecure again.

"Don't be silly, of course I want to..." I tell him, and I kiss him goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

**Marnh speaks:**

I have a holo of Theron on the table of my cabin. It is very good in distracting me from whatever I'm doing, my eyes like to wander to admire it all the time. If my eyes are not on him, my thoughts are. Warm, happy thoughts. I feel like...My life has just begun. There are depths in me, I knew nothing about. In my thoughts I remember and savour every moment we spend together, no matter how far between they are.

We keep in touch every day. The first thing I do when I wake up is sending him a message just to tell him to have a nice day. Half the time his message is already waiting for me when I open my eyes: "Good morning, love!" Those three words make me sit on the edge of my bed for a moment and smile like an idiot. If we can talk through holocom, we will. Unfortunately, it is not always possible. Those times when one of us is somewhere where the messages can't reach, are nerve-wracking. When it happens, I'm grumpy and snappy and my crew rolls eyes behind my back.

"You...Do see Theron Shan this weekend, right? _Right?_ " Ashara asks from me with a trembling voice when I tell her to do as I say, and then stuff her teachings where the sun doesn't shine.

"Believe me, darling...We all hope so." That's Andronikos.

"NEGATIVE! Theron is working, and that means overtime to EVERYONE!"

And then I march into my cabin to practice the noble art of sulking.

I have always been friendly with my crew. I'm thankful they stayed with me even when they didn't have to. Only Xalek was obligated to stay. I'm his Master and he is still my apprentice. Everyone else could have left whenever they wanted to.

Andronikos could have gone freelancing again. Khem Val could sell his services too, or find a new Master if he wanted to. Any Sith would give some of their organs for the chance to get a Shadow Killer. Ashara could go back to Jedi-order after some remorse and apologies. Thalos Drellik had his own career, I haven't heard something could stop him from returning to it. But for some reason they wanted to stick with me. I never take them for granted and I always treat them with respect. I pay them well. I give them extra if they need it, and I don't ask why they need it. They do what I tell them to do when going gets tough, no matter what insane orders I give them.

I try to train Xalek always when I get a chance, but I don't know if I have been much of a Master for him lately. I seem to be...very absent-minded. With Ashara I gave up long ago, she will never be a Sith. I don't care as long as she does her duties and doesn't accidentally kill me instead of the enemy. Namely, she is my apprentice still, but I don't treat her like one. I don't train her like I train Xalek.

This must be it. I'm in love. Maybe I have been from the first time I saw Theron. I have no other name for this warmth, butterflies and tingling I feel. I had no intention to fall in love, ever. Of course I have liked some men, or more like wanted them. I'm not blind, and I do like sex just as much as the next man. I just...Never let it rule over me. I had no intention to let anything disturb my climbing in the Sith-hierarchy. Yet, here we are: I'm in love. It is wonderful, magical and scary.

Theron sneaks to see me in my apartment in Dromund Kaas whenever it is possible. When he saw it for the first time he was in awe.

"You have all this space, just for yourself?"

"Theron, I'm not a poor man. Not rich either...But Imperium takes care of me, so to say."

When I noticed he had left some personal things in my apartment, I sat on the couch and smiled like an idiot for ages. When I'm there alone, his things remind me of him being in my life, no matter where he is.

I sneak to meet him in his home in Coruscant if I get an opportunity. I remember to thank the Force for making me a Stealther while doing it, I can come and go pretty much as I please. Sneaking to Coruscant is the hard part. Let's just say that Andronikos Revel is in my crew, and he knows people who do certain services for credits.

Theron's home is small and filled with technological stuff, and his bed is too narrow for two. We don't care. After he confesses that his implant is full of pictures of me, I have courage to leave my toothbrush there. Then spare robes. Then an extra training suit. After that I stop bringing my clothes there in fear that Theron will soon ask if he needs to buy a wardrobe just for me.

And all this time I'm afraid he will get hurt because of me. I'm afraid of the Imperium and the Republic both. The idea of the Imperium catching him when he comes to see me, and doing something horrible to him makes me nauseated. The idea of the Republic catching me, when I go to see him, and then hurting him because of me makes me furious. I'm never afraid for myself, there is no need to. I can Sith myself out from any situation, but he...no matter how good he is in what he does, he doesn't have the Force with him.

We meet in the cantinas, the restaurants, the hotels. Once we had only 10 minutes in the spaceport and I dragged him to he toilet and took him there without questions. Other times we sneak in cheap hotels and he takes me there with time, care, love and sweet words.

Half a year after we met in Alderaan for the first time, he surprises me by visiting me in my ship when we are in Balmorra. He confesses he rearranged his schedule to be able to spend the night with me. How sweet can someone be?

We are lying in my bed enjoying the afterglow, and suddenly I just know it has to be said out loud. I know it myself, and now I want him to know it too. It is scary, and I have to gather every ounce of my courage to say what I want to say. I sit up because I want to see his face when I tell him:

"I love you. I have no other name for this feeling I have for you. I love you. So much."

Theron looks at me with those warm eyes, and then kisses me. His kiss is full of gentle feelings and it makes my heart weep from joy and love. I know what he will say before he says it, what I have known for a long time but found hard to believe:

"I love you back, you beautiful thing. I love you more than I ever thought is possible to love someone."

I begin to cry. First time in my life I cry from happiness.

 

* * *

  

I start to have strange ideas. Ideas of living with him, every day. Like other couples do. I look around at my life, and I begin to see all the things I could really live without.

These people...Full of pomposity and theatrics. Everyone is trying to impress everyone. Do they actually ever think? Like really think? I guess not. Running after your passions and following your impulses would get awfully difficult if you actually would stop and think about it. I realise many Sith are not that intelligent. It is not because they are stupid, it is because they are not even expected to think of the consequences of their actions. You cut someones head, that's the goal. Being good at manipulating, plotting and planning how to get rid of anything that stands between you and your goal...It might look like some higher intelligence is demanded there but it is mostly just learnt behaviour.

When I sit in the Dark Council - I'm bored to death. I look my fellow Sith with an important title of the "Darth" and I think they are so full of it. Only one I have at least some respect for is Darth Marr, and he is only one Sith. Emperor? I have never given a damn about that lunatic. Imperium? I was a slave. Have you _ever_ seen a slave who loves his slaver?

All I see around me is trivial power-seeking and ego-stroking. The Sith backstabbing each other so much it endangers the whole Empire. There is something very wrong in this picture, and it begins to disturb me more and more. So...Imperium exists for the Sith? Why? Because all the Sith are doing is trying to kill each other to the last Dark Lord while keeping some absent Emperor contended. Why must there be a whole Imperium supporting this lunacy? All those people, soldiers, worlds...Dying because of – what, exactly? I begin to understand why the Republic is so desperate to get rid of the whole Sith-Empire. We are a danger to the whole galaxy.

I'm more confused every day. Once the door to my heart has been opened I can't close it. Just like I can't shut my eyes anymore and pretend that all this murdering and chaos is exactly what I always wanted from my life.

What I actually wanted is to be free. I'm far from free. I'm still a slave. I have to watch my back constantly in a fear that a rival is there, plotting my demise. I have to watch out even for my own apprentice, no matter how much I like him. He has to try to kill me one day in order to be a Lord himself. Unless I become so powerful that just being my ally is enough to give him the title.

I sit for a long time in my apartments landing pad, watching the skyscrapers and flying vehicles while organising my feelings and thoughts. I realise I have always been kinder than I knew. I have a gentle side in me and I had to lock it up in order to survive as a Sith. I had to numb my conscience to be able to be ruthless and murder my way to be a Dark Lord. I was a slave. I am a Zabrak. I was the lowliest of the low. Getting from there to be a member of the Dark Council was a miracle.

And now Theron has cracked my heart open. And I let him, I was a willing participant in this crime. I love him and I know the feeling is mutual. I don't know why he chose to love me, but he did. Every day I can be more secure in his love. Every day I grow softer.

I have to choose. There is no other option. I will go mad, or the Empire will get him eventually. I can't let that happen. I can't live without him either.

I have to choose how to live my life with this heart full of warmth.

But I'm not alone in this relationship. I have to speak with Theron before I make up my mind for good. He is now part of my life, and even if he knows it or not, his opinion matters.

We meet in Alderaan for a long weekend, and it feels like a vacation. It was almost a year ago when we met in this world for the first time. We are sitting on the meadow, enjoying sunshine and gentle wind. Theron is lying on the ground, his head resting on my lap. I play with his hair, I like the feeling of his hair in my fingers. His hair is longer now, and I think it makes him even more handsome. I have to clear my throat before I begin:

"I have been thinking a lot lately..." He looks at me, waiting for what is to come.

After this very moment my life can never be the same, no matter what he says. If he doesn't agree with me, our relationship might change because of that. If he agrees, my life will take a whole new direction.

"I...I can't do this anymore," I say to him.

I can feel how Theron startles. He looks bewildered. I realise what he thinks and I have to correct it quickly:

"No no no, I don't mean you, I mean my life, my life before you...And...And...I can't live in a lie. I can't be a Sith anymore."

Now Theron is sitting up, and I can see he is in shock.

"Have I ever said you have to leave your life as a Sith behind if you want to be with me? Have I ever even hinted it is wrong for you to be a Sith? I love you, and..."

I interrupt him:

"No, you haven't. You never would. This is about me. Today, I'm not who I was years ago when I decided my goal is to be the most powerful Sith in this galaxy. I have changed. I could say you have changed me, but it wouldn't be true, because even if you did, I allowed it. I don't want to live like this anymore, I don't want to seek for more power, I don't want to constantly watch my back. I want to be free. I thought being the most powerful of the Sith would make me free, make sure my life as a slave was really over, but now I see I'm still a slave. I'm a slave of the Sith-code. I'm a slave of the fears and power games and everything that comes with being a Sith. I want to leave this all behind. I want to change sides."

Theron looks at me very seriously, he takes his time before he asks:

"Are you sure about this, I mean absolutely sure?"

I nod. This is what my heart tells me to do.

"I want to have a better life and if that life is with you...I would have all I can ever hope for."

"Love, you know I would never give up on you, never, even if you decided to be the Emperor himself. But if you want this, I'm with you. I..." He doesn't continue after that.

When I catch his eyes, I can see they are filled with worry and care. I smile at him, but he doesn't smile back. For a moment I think he is angry with me, he doesn't want me enough to let me come and mess his life even more. We have never argued about anything. I'm scared this would be the first and last time we argue.

But then he says:

"Promise me you think this for a week. Just a week. If after seven days you still feel the same, I do everything in my power to help you to leave Imperium. If you want to be a Jedi, I'm sure Satele can help you. She knows you, and you wouldn't be the first Sith to turn to the Light Side. We have them plenty already."

"No, I don't want to be a Jedi. It would be just another prison for me. I want to be free. I want to choose my own life. I want to see if I'm capable in something that doesn't require killing. I'm not sure what that could be, but maybe you can help me to find out. I already know I'm good at loving you, and you had to be there to make it possible."

I kiss him. I'm afraid my heart will burst. I know I don't need a week to think about this, but I do it for him. Theron says one more time:

"I want you to be sure. I don't want you to leave because of me. You have to leave because of you. I don't want you to abandon your status for me and then regret it. You have worked so hard to get where you are now. Give yourself some more time, for your own sake, not mine. I love you, that won't change."

I understand him. I don't want him to think he is responsible for me, no matter what I do. He chose to love me, it shouldn't be a burden for him. I will make sure he never has to regret his choice.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

**Theron speaks:**

We agree on not being in touch while Marnh is thinking about his situation. Our situation. For a long time, deep inside me I have seen us as a "couple". Now it is manifesting into the reality around me: Marnh has decided he wants to deflect. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. Am I happy about it? Absolutely! When I imagine the possibilities his decision is going to give us, I'm thrilled. Just thinking about him being here every day makes me excited and overjoyed.

But it is a long seven days. I'm anxious. What if he changes his mind? What if he decides he has worked too hard for everything he has, and leaving it behind to become a Mr. Nobody is too much? I bite my lips so much they begin to bleed. I don't contact him, he doesn't contact me. We have seen each other for a year, and never been without at least some level of contact for this long before.

The decision he is making...I'm not sure I would have the guts to do it. First of all, I could never be an Imperial. That is given. Moving away from Coruscant? That I could do, but not anywhere near Empire. I would've just kept seeing him like we have done this far, probably for the rest of my life. Maybe he knows it, and believes it is easier for him to make the hard choices? I must admit, I don't know what it takes to be a Sith. I don't understand much of that part of his life. I have never been a slave. I can't possibly know what he is going through daily basis. If his life will be easier after changing sides, that's up to him to decide. Whatever he decides, I will accept it. But if he now decides to stay as an Imperial after all? I would be deeply disappointed.

Exactly after seven days from our talk in Alderaan, he calls me. Seeing him in the holocom makes me relieved.

"Hello love! How are you doing? Everything alright?" He asks, smiling.

"Now when I see you again, I'm fine! So, how do you feel now about things?" I have to ask right away.

"The same. I haven't changed my mind. I will leave Imperium, and if you take me, I will come to you." He looks a bit insecure. Even after a year he doesn't take me for granted and believes I might stop loving him if he does something wrong.

"I will never forgive you if you don't come to live with me! Is this clear?" I ask, trying to look as grim as I can.

"Roger that! Have you thought about the practical side of this, because I have, but this includes you too so..."

"Don't do anything yet. I go to see Satele first thing tomorrow. I'm checking it right now – and aren't we lucky, she is on Coruscant for a few days. Probably having something to do with the situation in the Senate. Looks like it is falling apart. We have a new election coming, hooray..." I have to sigh. I hate politics.

"I hate politics," I continue to Marnh.

"I...don't hate politics, I'm actually pretty good at it. I like tricky situations which I can win without lifting my finger. I might have an idea concerning it, but we are not there yet. What are you going to tell to Satele?" Marnh looks worried again.

"Love, don't you worry. I will get her to help us. Under her name you can walk into Coruscant as a free man. I love you!" I finish the call.

"Call me when you know more. I love you back!"

I look around my apartment on Coruscant. It is not very cosy, and looks more like a bachelor's box. I have to haul out most of my computers and devices, I can't force Marnh to live among them. I need a bigger bed too. A comfortable one...because soon I will have a partner living with me. Sleeping with me every night. Waking up with me, eating with me, sharing his life with me...I have to sit down to let it sink. I get to live with the love of my life. I come home to him, and he comes home to me...and we can go home together. How can I be this lucky?

First things first: I have to speak with Satele.

Satele Shan gave me away when I was a baby. Actually, right after I was born. She never told my father about me. I was raised by a Jedi Master, Ngani Zho, her former teacher, with the kind help of several nannies. I was supposed to be a Jedi. You can't be a Jedi if you don't have a Force sensitive bone in your body, and that was my case. Doesn't matter, I have other talents and I've been happy with the SIS.

When I became older, Satele and I did some work together, and nowadays we do have some kind of a relationship. Is it deep and nurturing? Definitely not. Satele can be cold as a fish when she wants to. I have no interest in having mother-son-dinners with her. But I recognise her as my mother, and she...calls me "her agent" when there are other people around, "Theron" when we are alone.

Do I understand why she did what she did when she gave me away? Absolutely. Jedi can't have families. Being a Jedi was her calling. She has done things that most men only dream of. She is a capable leader and a great Jedi. Do I feel bitter about it sometimes? Of course. I'm only a human.

Meeting my mother doesn't actually make me to do chart wheels from the sheer joy of it, but we need her help. If this would be only about me, I wouldn't bother. I have managed to live most of my life without her support, and I wouldn't ask for it unless my life depends on it. But the thing is: There is _nothing_ I wouldn't do for Marnh. If it means I have to ask help from Satele, I'll do it without batting an eye.

If she dares say "no" to me, I'm prepared to start a full-time mother/son war. I will dig a hole and throw grenades made out of emotional blackmailing and guilt-tripping at her. I won't give her a choice in this matter, and she better accept it. I will make clear to her that this is now about my happiness, and she hasn't given a damn about it before. She is better starting now.

Still, I'm very nervous when I go to meet her. I do have another ace in my sleeve though: My father, Jace Malcom. But I really would like to keep the military out from this. My father is the Supreme Commander, but the military can be so damn rigid and official about everything. And frankly, I don't have much to do with Jace. He would want to, but I feel it is too late. I don't want to have another father. I had Ngani Zho, and he is dead.

 

* * *

 

 

"YOU WHAT?" Satele shouts out with all her lungs. Her hands grasp from the edge of the table so hard her knuckles are white. I let the news sink in.

She takes a few deep breaths to calm down, to get her feelings under control.

"So, let me spell this out loud, just to see if I understood it right. Darth Marnh is your lover and has been for...WHAT... A year? How it is possible we didn't know about this? Now he wants to jump from the Imperium to the Republic, just to be with you. He wants to be...what? What does he even want to be? He is prepared to abandon the Sith Order because he LOVES you? He wants to leave all that Sith-garbage behind and be a respectable member of the Republic, oh my God let me die from laughter here! And you say you LOVE him? Did I get this right?" Her voice is deceivingly calm when she gives me an earful.

I can see Satele has real difficulties to control her temper. She was disappointed when I divorced. She knew the Elena's parents, and so she introduced us. Maybe she felt I needed a wife. For some time I felt so too. Her disappointment had no impact on me.

"And since when have you been into men anyway?" Her eyes throw small daggers at me.

"Since always. It's called "bisexual". I'm sure you've heard of it. I don't have to explain myself to you when it comes to my sexuality. It is my own damn business. So is who I love. I have every right to live with the person I love!" I'm loosing my temper now too.

One more dagger comes my way.

"For everything that is good and holy, this man is a member of the Dark Council. He is a Dark Lord. Did he contact me to tell he wants to be a Jedi, to follow the Light Side of the Force. NO! I don't help them if they don't even want to become the members of the Jedi Order. _Because he is still a Sith!_ You really believe he loves you? He is not capable of loving anything, not as long he is a Sith! Why do you believe such a nonsense? You are not an idiot!" Satele begins to look very frustrated.

I look at her, trying to find the right words to get through her resistance.

"Have I ever asked anything from you?" I finally ask.

"No," she has to admit. "But you said you won't marry again, ever," she quickly continues.

"Yes, because I didn't love Elena. Not for a moment. I'm still very sorry I hurt her by thinking I would learn how to. I married a wrong person for all the wrong reasons," I answer as calmly as I can.

"And now you have met the right person? A Sith?" Satele snorts.

"Yes. Keep your arrogance, I don't need it. We don't need it. We need your help. We need your help to be able to live together. Marnh needs your help and your name so he can find a place for himself in Coruscant. You thought he would settle down to be my housewife? You don't know him like I do. He will make a career for himself, just watch him. All we need is your NAME!"

"What could he possibly even do here? He has "Sith" tattooed all over his FACE!" Satele raises now her voice too. She really begins to get to my nerves.

"SO WHAT! I love his face! I love his tattoos! I'm proud of him! I can't wait to parade him in front of everyone because he is so damn beautiful! I love everything in him, in the ways you can't even fathom. I have no idea what he will do when he gets here. Probably something brilliant. Satele...Mother...You don't know him like I do." Suddenly I get very tired.

"Tell me. Make me to understand this," she says with a steady voice.

"Do you...believe in the love at the first sight? Because I didn't, and now I know it exists. That's how I fell in love with him," I begin.

Satele looks away from me, and I can see she was thinking about something.

"Do you think I didn't go through my own battles with this? But when I realised I don't want to live a life without him, it has been easy. I just did what I had to in any given moment. But it has been tiring too, for both of us. I know how much he worries about my safety. I wish he would sometimes worry about himself as much as he worries about me. I don't know how much it had influence in his decision to deflect, but I never asked for it. It was entirely his decision." I have to stop to take a breath.

Mother looks at me and I can see how her features soften. Maybe she remembers my father. Maybe she remembers how it felt to be this much in love. She waits for me to continue.

"I love him, from the bottom of my heart. He loves me too, and believe me, he is a very loving person. He is kind and gentle. He was a slave. It wasn't his decision to be a Sith, but he made the most out of it. He might be uneducated, but he is bright. He doesn't want to be a Jedi because he wants to be free. He has never been free. He wants to be able to choose his own life. Please, Satele, all we need is your name..." I finish because my voice begins to break from the tears I hold inside of me.

Satele ponders everything I said for a moment. Then she just ask:

"Where would you live?"

"Here in Coruscant."

"Everyone knows who he is. It won't be easy for him. Or you. But..."

I know I have won the battle.

"I'll help you...on one condition. I want to read his mind. I want to see for myself he is sincere when it comes to you, and Republic too. If I'm pleased with him, you'll have my blessing. You can marry him for all I care! But I have to be sure about this. I can't let a Dark Lord run rampant around Coruscant under my name without precautions.

I sigh from the relief. I know now Marnh will come here, and I will live with the man I love.

I have never thought about marrying him. I'm surprised mother brought that up. Would he even want to? He wants to be free. I'm not sure what he counts on being free.

I call him and tell about Satele's terms.

"Are you alright with it?" I ask.

"Of course I am. Don't you worry about it."

"I come to see you, and we can talk about the details," I decide.

"No, I come to see you, we are not far from Balmorra. It is only one jump to Coruscant. I hope this is the last time I have to find someone to smuggle me in," Marnh chuckles.

Next day he comes to me. I let my invisible guest in and he turns himself visible. He is somehow different. He is lighter. It is like a burden has been lifted from his shoulders. Little black veins from his face have started to disappear. His eyes are brighter yellow. He is even more beautiful than before. Call me biased if you must but I didn't even think it was possible.

I'm eager to remove his clothes and he is just as eager to help me to remove mine. We make love, first time is fierce and hasty, full of need. Second time is slow and gentle, full of love. I think he missed me just as much as I missed him.

Afterwards we are lying on my narrow bed, talking.

"I will meet your mother in Manaan next week, if Satele agrees. After that I have to tell my crew I leave the Imperium. I have to take care of them somehow. Then I come to you. Are you still sure you want to live with me?"

I kiss him.

"You silly Zabrak. I always have a need for a slave...ouch!"

He pulls my hair so hard I get tears in my eyes.

"I bought a bigger bed. It is here when you move in. There. Are you happy now?"

"We will have a new bed? Theron, I love you!"

  



	5. Chapter 5

**Satele speaks:**

I travel to Manaan in order to meet with Darth Marnh. I do it with a heavy heart. This isn't what I would want for Theron. I love him – even if it doesn't look like it to him.

But...I've been in love too, once. Theron is the outcome of that love. I sometimes wonder if I still love Jace. But things like that – it's very easy to forget them after enough time has passed. I've had so many other things in my life, so much to do. Somehow I became important for the well-being of the whole Republic, and vital for the Jedi Order.

I believe in fate. I've asked from the Force if this is Theron's fate, to live his life with a Sith, but I'm not allowed to see it. All I can do is believe that in his heart he knows his fate. It seems to me...he is not only _in_ love, he _loves_ Darth Marnh _._ You can be in love, and then something happens: You get distracted, bored, maybe the other person wasn't what you thought them to be and you fall out from love. You might not even understand what you saw in that person in the first place. But what I see in Theron is unwavering. He has already bonded with this man in his heart. He is really prepared to go to hell with him if he has to.

I want to make sure that Darth Marnh isn't out to take advantage of my son loving him like that. I know how Sith are. They manipulate, mind trick, force, lie, abuse, whatever it takes to get what they want. They are encouraged to do so. In Jedi Order we believe in everyone having a free will, and a right to do what they want with it. Every single life is just as valuable. But having a free will doesn't mean you can use it to harm others.

Yet...I have lied and manipulated too. I never told Jace about Theron, and I know he would've wanted to know he has a son. I feel guilty for that, I do. So, is it more right to lie and manipulate for the greater good than just for your own advantage? I don't really know. These things are not so simple when you have to deal with them yourself.

We meet in a small hotel near Manaan's spaceport. I wait for him in the lounge.

When Darth Marnh walks to me in Manaan, I must admit he looks majestic. I...almost can see what Theron might see in him. He walks like an athlete, like someone who has worked with his body for the most of his life. I don't like the tattoos on his face. Every Zabrak carries them, and it is not about him being a Zabrak. The Imperial Zabraks choose to use those striking markings to distinguish themselves from the Republic Zabraks. Some of them have a red skin too, but Darth Marnh's skin is light brown. He looks like a Sith. I don't want to think myself as a bigoted person, but I simply find it off-putting. He has no visible signs of corruption. The power radiating from him doesn't feel bad, it feels quite neutral. It is not comforting and safe like Jedi Masters would be, but it doesn't make my skin itch either. Maybe Theron is right, and he is Light sided. We will see about that soon.

Don't get me wrong, I do respect this man, and I believe the respect is mutual. He has dignity. He is sensible and actually we got along just fine when we had to work together. He is a real professional when it comes to martial arts and he is strong in the Force. I witnessed how he beat Revan to shambles with his apprentice.

"Nice to meet you again, Satele," he says to me with a steady voice when he sits down opposite to me.

"I really don't know about nice in these circumstances," I snap. Then I regret it because he hasn't really done anything to me, not yet at least.

"You must hate me," he says with a small nod.

"Don't be ridiculous. I don't hate you. I don't feel hate. I'm suspicious of you, that's all," I say, and I try to keep my voice without emotion now.

"If it matters...I understand you. But you see, Theron is very important to me too. I love him. I believe his well-being is a priority for both of us. I wish you wouldn't see me as an enemy, but as someone who loves him too," he says.

I – can see there is a point in what he says. I just don't want to acknowledge it.

"Do you read minds?" I say to change the subject.

"My skills are not even average when it comes to dabbling with other peoples minds. I'm not talented like that, just like I can't heal. Well, I can do some mind tricks, but I can't heal at all. My talent is Stealth," he explains.

"But you know what I'm going to do? Can you take it?" I have to ask. I have to go _into_ his mind instead of just looking at the surface or sensing his feelings. I have to make sure he is not an imposter. I think he knows that.

"I can. My mind is guarded, of course, and it will take me some time to let you in. But I will help you in any way I can. I don't want to turn insane by resisting you."

He is right. Deep mind reading can make the person insane. That's why we don't go around doing it. If the person resists, his mind will get damaged. It is relatively safe to just peek the shallow levels of any person's mind, but going deeper...it is dangerous.

"All right, let's get it over then. I think we better go to my room and do it there," I sigh. I'm a bit tired, and what I will do will drain us both.

In my room we sit on the chairs, facing each other. Before Darth Marnh begins to take down the barriers in his mind, he says:

"I'm not responsible for what you will see. I can't control it. My mind is very much in Theron, so I think you should find what you are looking for with relative ease. But if you see things you don't like, things that might feel too intimate for you, or things that cause you anxiety...I really can't help it."

"I know. I...there are things that really aren't my business, so I try to go past them if I see them," I promise to him.

But of course I'll see things that are not meant for my eyes.

Darth Marnh closes his eyes, and red mist is beginning to swirl around him when he connects to the Force. He has used the Force to guard his mind from other Force sensitives, now he has to undo it.

When he feels he is ready, he opens his eyes and nods to me. Then he closes his eyes again, and the red mist gets thicker. He is in trance. I place my hand on his forehead. I order my mind to see a door. Of course, there isn't any door, but visualising it helps me to go in. I open the door, and it opens with ease. He doesn't resist.

I walk in. And then I just let the images come to me. I tell my mind to join in his and find me all the information concerning Theron Shan and the Republic, including feelings. Sounds easy, but I have no control over what I will see either. I will feel everything he feels, including his feelings for Theron. If they are not real, I will know. I have a talent for this.

I go through the surface of his mind. Some worry, some anxiety. Nothing severe. Determination. Plans concerning his life in Coruscant. Politics? He wants to...work for the Senate? That's surprising. He is worried about his crew. All kinds of irrelevant things concerning the Dark Council and Imperium, looks like he really doesn't have any deeper attachment to them. But that is easy to fake. Lots and lots about Theron. They have spoken today already. "I love you," he says to Theron, and feels a warm wave inside him. Alright, now I begin to feel like a spy. I have to tell myself that they knew I will see all this. Personal things. Intimate things.

I reach the second level of his consciousness. Here faking is a bit harder, but can still be done. He might be brainwashed, and this is the level where I would find out about it. I go through images and feelings again, like they would be a pack of cards. When it comes to the Imperium, he really couldn't care less. Things like patriotism can't be found anywhere in his mind. Some people are like that. They can be very loyal, but their loyalties lie with the people they are personally involved with. Darth Marnh seems to be like that: He is caring and loyal to the people who are in his life, but things like the Imperium, the Sith Order, the Emperor – too abstract to earn his loyalty.

Theron is very present here too. I see how they met, I feel his instant attraction to my son. I feel his pain when Theron said they can't meet anymore. His joy when Theron changes his mind. His confusion when he realises he loves Theron. I feel the feelings Theron makes him feel, and he is absolutely in love. He loves Theron deeply. I can't find any signs of brainwashing, programming or faked feelings.

Oh my God, I'm not supposed to see that...and that...so, they have a very...active intimate life. I really don't want to know about it! Let's see...I want to see more of his past. Looks like he was forced to be a Sith. He fears for his life. He is a nervous wreck. Killing, so much killing. He doesn't really like it, but he has to survive. His survival instinct is strong. He feels he is doing wrong, but can't help it. He grows numb.

I really can't find anything that would imply he is not sincere.

I go to the third level, into his subconscious mind. Very good brainwashing and reprogramming can change even that, but it would require he was brainwashed by the Emperor himself, and I don't think we are _that_ important. Here are his childhood and his deepest feelings. Almost impossible to fake.

I feel a sting of tremendous hurt. He has been taken away from his parents to work, he is only a child. He cried so much. He was battered and abused, they all were. He was tired, scared and in pain. He feels he is bad, he must be bad because life treated him like that. He feels he is not good enough to anyone. He is ashamed of himself, like it would be his fault he was treated badly. He feels they took away his value as an independent being. He had dreams, and one of them was to be loved. He was a gentle child, and they broke him. And yet, he is not a psychopath. Deep in his heart he never gave up. His spirit has a strength few people have.

I pull away.

He opens his eyes.

I have to blink away the tears in my eyes. I'm not out of compassion. If I wouldn't help them...what kind of a heartless person I would be?

"You had it rough," I finally say after I have cleared my throat.

"Theron loving me like he does...for me it is a miracle," he just says.

"You truly love him," I have to admit.

"I do," he answers.

"I will help you. I still don't like this, but I...think I owe it to Theron. If he wants to be with you, I can't stand in his way," I sigh.

"Thank you," he says, and then kisses me on the cheek.

That wasn't necessary, but I can't help but feel touched.

"I will inform the Senate, the military and the Coruscant Security about your arrival. You are under my protection now, no one will touch you. I'm curious...I think I saw you planning a career in politics?" I have to ask.

"I have been thinking...I really would like to be a diplomat, or just work as an advisor for the Senate. I know the Imperium. What I know of about could benefit the Republic. I'm not without skill when it comes to negotiations and making things work out. I wasn't named to be a Darth for nothing."

I ponder this for a moment.

"I will tell this to the Senate, and they will decide if they want to use your services. I will tell them I can vouch for you. They contact you if they need you. My name has at least some value even among the Senators, and seems we are going to get new ones anyway..." I say.

He bows to me.

"I will tell this to Theron. Thank you for everything. It means a lot to us."

"I'll have to give them all a reason why you join the Republic, as you won't be a part of the Jedi Order. What do you want me to tell them?"

A smile lights up his face.

"Just tell them the truth: I will come to live to Coruscant as Theron Shan's partner."

Then he leaves. I hope I have done the right thing.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Marnh speaks:**

When I'm back to my ship after meeting with Satele, I have to laugh out of sheer joy. It will really happen! I will move to Coruscant, I will leave _all this_ behind. How can life be this good to me? After over 30 years of slavery...I will be a free man. And not only that, I will live with a person I love more than anything else in this world.

I have to call to Theron and tell him the good news. I know he probably has no nails left on his fingers by now.

"Hey love, will I be a happy man?" He answers right away.

"Well, if living under my rule makes you happy, absolutely! It went well, and Satele gave me more than I even hoped for," I chuckle.

"I knew it! When will your rulership start?"

"Right away, if it is up to me, but...I haven't spoken with my crew yet," I have to sigh.

"Love...would you want me to be there when you do it?" Theron asks with a gentle voice.

My first reaction is to say "no", but then I hesitate. In this relationship-thing – wouldn't it be good to learn to accept the support when it's offered? I don't have to fight against the whole world alone anymore, I have Theron with me now. I know Theron means it when he says he can be here with me when I do the only thing that is difficult for me in this situation.

"I...would really appreciate it if you could...You don't have to but if it is not too much trouble..." I finally answer him.

"I'll be there. Wait for me in Manaan, alright? When you are ready, we can leave from there to Coruscant together. Or do you need something from Kaas-city?" Theron asks.

"No. I will give my apartment to Xalek. If there is something I want, he can send it to me."

We end the call, and I feel relieved. It is good to have Theron here with me when I tell my crew what is expecting them. Just thinking about it makes me sad and nervous, but doing the right thing doesn't always feel just good.

Theron wasn't too far from us, and on the next day he is on Manaan. I wait for him on the spaceport.

"Hey, my beautiful love," he smiles and hugs me tight. "So Satele didn't eat you alive?"

"I'm under her protection now. No one will touch me. She even said she can help me with my plans with what I will do for a living. I'm not going to be your kept man, you know?" I answer, with a punch on his arm.

"Auch! I'm starting to be really worried about all this domestic violence. Give me a kiss or I will call the guard!"

I kiss him, and I make sure it is a long one. I have missed him.

We walk into the Fury. My crew welcomes Theron with smiles and nods, and Ashara has to squeeze his hand. She is very fond of Theron, but I think they all are. During this year that we have been together, Theron has twice travelled with us for a few days. He had free time, but I had to work. I'm the one with the starship of my own, and I asked him to jump aboard. No one, except my crew, would notice anything unusual. So he did, and he spent time with my people by playing cards or just by chatting with them. Him and Andronikos drank themselves into a stupor, and after that they have been the best mates ever.

I shouldn't have a favourite among my crew, but secretly I do, and it is Andronikos Revel. He was the second to join me, and with time we grew to be very good friends. He is the one that most often follows me to the field, because we work well together. Having to leave him behind like this...I don't enjoy it a bit. I hope I will get to keep him, and others too, in my life, one way or the other. I hope they aren't so angry at me they want to cut all their ties with me. I like them, and I'm worried about their well-being. I feel I'm responsible for them.

We walk into my cabin first. I want to see what I will take with me.

"You want to take these clothes?" Theron asks and opens my wardrobe.

"No...let me see. No Sith robes. I don't need them. There shouldn't be much else. I can buy new clothes from Coruscant. Gods, I don't even know what to wear from now on, I've been running in the robes for such a long time," I wonder.

Theron looks at me, blinking.

"I really like to get under your robes. Can't you take at least one of them? We can role play Naughty Imperial and Saintly Republic..."

"We have role played Imperial and Republic for a year! How much can you love it?" I have to ask from him.

"It is not a roleplay if it is true!"

"No. End of discussion."

Theron sighs.

I rummage through the wardrobe, and then my hands touch a thin, slippery cloth. I take it out, and it is the tunic I wore when I met Theron in Alderaan a year ago.

"I will take only this one..." I say to him and give it to him so he can put it in my bag.

"I remember this! You look so stunning in it you get to wear it only at home, mind you!" Theron chuckles.

"Ashara made me to buy it because she thought I looked like a prince in it," I have to chuckle back.

I see the holo of me as an apprentice on the table. That one I will take with me, to remind me of how I used to be. The holo of Theron comes with me too.

And that's about it. My weapon is still hanging on my belt, I don't need another one. This is all I want to take with me from my old life. One tunic, two holos and my dual-bladed saber.

I turn to Theron and sigh again.

"I'm so happy to leave this all behind, but what is coming next makes my stomach hurt, really!" I tell him.

He nods and gives me a long hug.

"I will be there, right next to you. Don't worry, they will understand, I'm sure of it," he tries to comfort me.

I take my bag from him and then we are walking out of my cabin for the last time.

I tell everyone to come to meet us in the meeting room.

They all settle themselves around the table, and then they look at me, waiting for the news I have for them.

My people. I study them, one by one, to remember this moment.

A lost Togruta-Jedi. A Shadow Killer. A pirate. An archaeologist. My Kaleesh-apprentice. For years they have been my family.

"Go on, don't be shy," Andronikos finally says.

Theron takes my hand. His hand is warm and comforting. My eyes are blurry. Then I begin:

"I say this as it is. I'm changing sides. I'm moving to Coruscant to live with Theron...today. When I walk out from this ship after this meeting with you, it will be for the last time. I won't come back. I...was never satisfied with my life as a Sith, and now things have changed in the way that makes it possible for me to do something else. That means working for the Republic if they need my skills. If not, then I have to find something else to do."

Ashara takes a sharp breath.

"Are you going to be a Jedi? If you do, I'll come with you!"

"No. The most important part of all this is to live with Theron. You all know how close he and I are, and...I want to share my life with him. I'm afraid this is the only way to do it. But it is not _the_ _only_ reason, just the most important one," I answer her.

"Fuck! Fuck this! Fuck you two! No, I'm happy for you two, of course, but fuck you!" That's Andronikos.

No one else says anything. They are in shock.

"My lord...what will happen to us?" Talos Drellik finally asks.

"I have made some plans for all of you. If you accept them, that is. Talos, your skills have saved everybody's lives more than once. I'll give you all the credits I have saved. It is not a small amount, I did some business on the side too. It is up to you what you want to do with them. I was thinking - it should be enough for you to continue your studies, to dig up ruins, whatever you want. You abandoned your career in order to join me, maybe you can still go back," I say to him.

"My lord...thank you! I'm sad to have to part from you, but I will accept what you suggested, and it is not a bad suggestion at all," Talos says. He looks small and sad. I hope when he sees how much I have really saved, his days get brighter.

"You!" Andronikos points at Theron, "if you don't take good care of my best friend here, you will have me to deal with!"

"I will take more than good care of him, I promise," Theron chuckles to Andronikos.

"Revel, what would you think about your own starship?" I come quickly between them.

"You...would give Fury to me, is it what you are trying to tell me?" Andronikos asks carefully.

"Yes. Fury is yours. I know how much you love space. What you do with it is up to you, but I suggest you use your contacts to hide it from the Imperials. This is an expensive ship, and Imperium will be pissed when they realise it is gone. Who knows, maybe you can be the pirate king of this galaxy!" I tell him.

"Can I come with you? Please?" Ashara turns to Andronikos. I can see she is crying. Poor thing. She has it worst. the only option I could find for her was to go back to Tython.

"Of course, darling. Company, a pair of extra hands and two sharp light-sabers will come in handy!" Andronikos comforts her.

I sigh of relief. That's settled then.

Then there is only Xalek and Khem Val left.

"Xalek, you can't be my apprentice anymore. First, I will give you my apartment in Dromund Kaas. If you ever need credits, you can sell it. Or you can just live there, it is up to you to do what you want with it. Second, it is your time to become a Lord. You are ready. Take Khem Val with you and go to Korriban and tell them you have no Master anymore so you want to be tested. Is this all right for Khem Val too?" I turn to look at the Dashade.

"It is...for now," he growls.

Xalek stands up and bows to me.

"It has been my honour to serve such a great Master as you, my lord. I will never come after your life, and you will always be my Master," he says with a calm voice.

"Thank you Xalek, you have been a good apprentice for me," I say to him. My eyes turn blurry again. That was last of them.

I turn to Theron.

"That's it then. It is time for us to leave, I think."

Ashara runs to us and hugs me, then Theron.

"I hope you will be very happy! I have seen you love each other so much, it is only right you want to live together. Marnh deserves to be happy," she says, crying again.

"Come to visit us, please," I say to her," and the rest of you too. I try to be in touch with everyone."

And then we leave. My heart is heavy, but I soon begin to feel better when we leave Manaan behind in public shuttle.

We travel for two days to get to Coruscant. When we arrive to Coruscant spaceport, the Coruscant Security is prepared for my arrival. I have to fill up documents and wait for official decisions. Security assures me there is nothing to be worried about, but it has been explicit order from the Senate that everything needs "to be done in the right way". Satele Shan's name is my safeguard. After few hours everything is done, and I'm a citizen of Coruscant, and a member of the Republic. All of this Theron goes patiently through with me. That man is amazing.

"Do you need to do some shopping before we go home?" Theron asks from me when we are clear to leave.

"No, I'm too tired. I can do it tomorrow. Is my new bed there waiting for me?" I have to ask.

"Yes, and it needs to be tested, thoroughly..." Theron whispers to me.

"You are right! Who knows if it's faulty and needs to be changed!" Suddenly I'm not tired anymore.

And so my new life in the Republic begins.

I'm nothing, and at the same time, I'm very much me: A former slave, a proud Zabrak, a man I always wanted to be. I lost my status, but I got a life. I'm not a Darth anymore, I don't even know when I will work again, but I'm a partner for Theron, I'm important to this person next to me. I will love him, cherish him and take care of him for the rest of my life. He deserves no less.

I have my freedom, and I have Theron. I have everything I need.  



	7. Chapter 7

**Two years later:**

Marnh sighs when he is finally at home. He opens the door and drops the groceries on the floor while simultaneously kicking his shoes off.

He is tired but pleased. He has news for Theron, exciting news. He has decided to make a good dinner and tell his news while they are having it. He looks around. The apartment is a sad mess because Theron has been working like a dog for the whole week. He is the one more interested in cleaning and tidying, and Marnh takes care of everything that involves using the kitchen.

Marnh loves their home. It was Theron's home first, now it is theirs. It has a kitchen with a space for a dining table, a small living room, a bedroom and a study. Theron needs the study more, so Marnh's desk is in the living room. He has his own corner of the Senate Tower with other advisors, and he doesn't really like to work at home. Being able to separate the work from the private life is a luxury for him after being a Sith 24/7.

While food is cooking, he tidies the places for his best ability. He doesn't like the idea of Theron coming into this mess, he knows Theron is exhausted. That man must really love his job! SIS is not an easy lover. Theron can be away for weeks at a time, and for Marnh those times are an exercise in patience. He has his own life, he still does martial arts and meditates, he works more if Theron is away, he even goes out for a drink sometimes. He has been living on Coruscant for two years, and there are people he knows and likes meeting now and then. He is good friends with Jace Malcom. But weeks without his husband...he accepts it and never complains, but silently misses him every night.

It hasn't all been roses and rainbows, neither did he expect it would be. The Senate did give him a job as an advisor. At first they tested the waters with him, and asked his help and knowledge of the Imperium in short projects. They were satisfied with his performance, and he was given a permanent post as a Junior Advisor/Analyst. He likes his job. He is a good strategist, and enjoys the mental work. He is skilled in reading situations and looking at the bigger picture, and being a Force sensitive gives him an advantage even if he is not a mind reader.

The first year on Coruscant had him facing all his insecurities and self-hate. When he was a Sith, he could mask them with violence and power, but now he didn't have that option anymore.

There were people who hated him with passion, and some still do. Even the very idea of a real, living Sith walking among them made them see red, and some used every opportunity to attack him. He knew they wanted to get rid of him, and he couldn't let them win. Just once he loosed his temper and marched out of the Senate, Seething, only to destroy their whole apartment. Theron took it like it would be perfectly normal to walk into his apartment, and find the place burned down by a lightning storm.

"I have a positive outlook in life! See, all those old, ugly furniture? Gone! Now we have room for new ones, and we can choose them together. Awesome!" He just said when Marnh was wallowing in guilt and shame.

He was so afraid the Senate would sack him after that. They didn't. They had witnessed enough times how he had been pressured and provoked, and he only sat there, smiling. They knew at some point he would break down. He did, and came back as a stronger person. He simply didn't care after that anymore. He got immune to all the hate speech and provocation, and slowly it began to disappear. He had colleagues who liked him because they saw him as an honest person with high integrity. He was always friendly and helpful without being a people-pleaser. With time, like-minded people found him and began to help him, without him even knowing about it. He won simply by being himself.

Marnh has the table ready when he hears the door opening and closing. Theron takes his boots off and walks into the kitchen.

"Hey love, what good have you made for us? Smells good and so do you," He asks and hugs Marnh from behind.

"Stew with Cerean rice and corn. You hungry? Tired?" Marnh answers and kisses him.

"Both. I'm happy this week is over. 14 hours a day begins to be too much for me, I'm not twenty anymore..." Theron sighs and sits down on the table.

"Who cares, you are still a stud!" Marnh chuckles, giving him a full plate.

"A stud! I don't know if I have been much of a stud lately...though I'm sure we can fix that after I've taken a nap," Theron chuckles back.

"Promises, promises...I have something to tell you," Marnh finally gets into the business.

Theron looks at his husband. There must be something important coming, he can hear it in Marnh's voice.

"I, Marnh Shan, am now a Senior Advisor," Marnh says with a satisfied smile.

"Really? Awesome! Congrats love! I'm really happy for you! Just wait and see, you will be a Diplomat in no time. We have to celebrate this tomorrow, right?" Theron praises him.

Marnh blushes. He is not really ambitious, not anymore, but being promoted like that just makes him feel good. He feels he is valued and his skills are needed.

"Yes...how about food cooked by someone else? And wine?" Marnh asks.

"That's given, but I try to figure out something more original on top of that because you, my love, have deserved it with your wits, looks and talents!" Theron says, smiling.

"I don't know how happy you will be after you here that there is an official dinner celebrating all the promotions, and I want my husband with me," Marnh says with a hesitant voice.

"Of course I will be there with you, I wouldn't have it any other way," Theron says. And really, he doesn't mind. He is willing to be there with his dark, beautiful husband. Standing next to him as his spouse...it really makes him proud. Marnh has done well, just like he knew he would.

Theron feels he loves Marnh even more than before they got married. He didn't think it would be possible, but he feels his love for Marnh is just growing with time. He has been married before, and he has gone through what it is when all the feelings die. With Marnh...it has been the opposite. Every time he thinks he couldn't possibly love him more, Marnh proves him wrong.

He knows he is loved back just as much. Marnh has his own way of showing it, not so much with the words, but by being affectionate and doing little things for Theron. They are both adult men, and Theron feels awkward when thinking that "he is taken care of", but he really has no other words for it. It is not that he would be pampered, far from it. Marnh knows what he wants, and how he wants it. But he has an ability to make it known to Theron that he is respected, valued and loved.

He thanks life for making him a rich man. He has everything he needs as long he has Marnh.

"Come on love, let's take a nap together," Theron yawns, hands reaching for Marnh.

"I just love your line of thought," he answers, and they leave to the bedroom.

They snuggle together on the bed, and Theron falls in to sleep. Marnh is in half-sleep, listening Theron's breathing. It is relaxing, familiar and makes him warm. Just to listen how Theron is breathing next to him. To know he will be breathing there tomorrow too.

Two years, and he wouldn't give a day away. He has loved every moment of it, and just thinking how much more there is to come, how much more life with Theron, makes his heart to be full of warmth. All the suffering he has faced in his life...it was worth it if this is the result.

He falls asleep too.

* * *

Note: Thank you for reading!

 


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